I know, I know. The title says “save” the world and the sign says “take over” the world. But really, when I take over the world it will be saving it. Have you ever watched your Members of Parliament, Senators or whatever your elected figures are on TV? It’s seriously like watching a bunch of children debate. “He said this” “She said that” – stand up and booing. Repeat. I wonder when they get to the job of serious issues like helping the homeless, stopping war, reducing the deficits and increasing our qualities of life?… hmm.. right.
But before I can “save” the world I have to do some training. And this is where you come in. Everyone knows that training takes money. And not well wishing money but hard currency. In this case US dollars. Luckily Canadian dollars are just as good these days as the old green back. Who knew a loonie would ever beat the greenback? And while I would take happy wishes, they need cold currency. I know, I know. It’s not fair. I can try sending them an email saying I’ll review their shooting range for some free explosives, but I don’t think it’ll work. And our beer habit blew through our budget 2 months ago and we’re running on vaporous. Its your help or nothing.
You may be asking yourself what kind of training is involved? Very simply, shooting very big effin guns (BFGS). In Cambodia I can shoot RPG’s, M60’s and Ak47. But at a cost of $200 for the RPG and $1 a bullet for the rest. The M60 shoots something like 20 rounds a second, so it can be pricey.
I promise to video the whole event, and be extremely happy about it. So what do you say, got a couple bucks to spare? $5, $10, $20 – it’ll all help. A $50 or $100 will get you something special in the mail. If your in Canada, email money transfers work great, otherwise Paypal is also perfect.
I’ve included a F.A.Q. with this post to answer any more of your questions!
Q: How do I know you just won’t spend the money on hookers and blow?
A: Great question. First of all, Dee’s with me so that kills half of it. Secondly, shooting BFG’s is a bit more exciting. And after that Bangkok incident, well.. ’nuff said. Plus I promise videos in full HD quality.
Q: I really don’t think learning to shoot some guns is going to help you take over the world. Won’t I be wasting my money?
A: Not at all. If I do manage to take over the world one day, wouldn’t you rather be with me than against me? Us Dutch are known to have big noses and long memories. Secondly, what if Zombies attack? You need someone in the know to help you out.
Q: Zombies? Really?
A: Of course. Who knows, chemical neurological weapons are made daily. Think the US, Russian and Iranian governments aren’t researching this? Just look back at the LSD experiments in the 60’s when they dosed soldiers so they can’t fight. Who said those experiments stopped? What about crazy asteroids? H1Q1? Nihilist Virus? Crack heads? Shit can happen my friend. Best be prepared.
Q: That’s why we have soldiers. Police. First line responders.
A: That’s exactly right. First line responders. And when they get overrun, who’s left? Have you ever fired an M60? Thrown a grenade? Launched an RPG? Oh no? Wouldn’t you rather have someone on your side who has? Who can help defend you? Or do you think twitter can save you from a blood thirsty monster? Tweet tweet. Crunch.
Q: I know you. You’ve played a ridiculous amount of video games. Isn’t that training enough?
A: It’s a good step 1 of training. And I’ve put thousands of hours into it virtually. Both strategy and twitching. Now it’s time for the real thing.
Q: So your saying you won’t save me in-case something bad happens? When I come knocking on your door, you just gonna pass over all the good times we’ve had?
A: Well, let’s be serious for a moment. The worlds ending, of course I’m going to help you. But it’s going to take some begging and pleading. And I’ll never let you forget that you never helped me out with the training. I’m kind of an ass that way. I’m sure there will be something you can do while I’m blowing the shit out of things and saving our asses. Underwear to clean and such.
Q: Well yeah, that’s only if “Zombies” attack.
A: Think it’ll be any better if I do manage to take over the world?
Q: $50 US is a bit expensive…
A: For Canadians, not really. Have you noticed how the dollar has dived lately? Much like the US Olympic Hockey team, it’s gone waaaay down. It’s almost like $49 Canadian dollars, a deal for you! So just go ahead and send me $50 Canadian and we’ll call it even. And to my American friends, donate sooner and it’ll be cheaper for you!
Q: How do I know your going to do what you say you’ll do?
A: This is it in writing I suppose. I’ll even mention you here on this blog for special accolade to let everyone know the names of the people who helped me. And who’ll be protected in the future…
Q: What if I want to be a cabinet minister?
A: The more money you send, the higher your position will be in my government/post apocalypse organization. Pure and simple, dollars talk today.
Q: I don’t have any money to spare. Times are tough. Will you still help me?
A: Pretty much.. no. Read above. If that appeals to you, well sure. But I only have so much underwear. Times are tough for me as well! That’s why I have my hand out to you asking for money, which I never do. But remember, this is a trade for your future. For less than a Starbucks chai tea latte, you can help. And if your willing to give up a whole week of coffee, your pretty much set.
Q: OK, you’ve convinced me. Training you to fire big weapons benefits me. How do I donate?
A: Paypal works great. Canadians can send me an email money transfer to scott at dreamalittledream.ca Remember, even $5 buys you protection.
Q: I heard that you were going to shoot cows and chickens? What’s up with this?
A: Well, my initial excitement for bloodlust and realism was a bit much. I had a meeting with KFETOCCOA (Karen For The Ethical Treatment Of Chickens, Cows and Other Animals) who persuaded me that static targets and perhaps cars would be a better substitute. So don’t fear, no living being will be harmed by this. For now.
EMAIL MONEY TRANSFER: (for Canadians only)
Send to: scott at dreamalittledream.ca
PAYPAL: (for everyone)
just click on the handy thumbnail below!
I want to do this in 3 days, so don’t delay! Send money now!