Much like a moth is attracted to bright lights, we are attracted to big and shiny amusement parks where we will scream our lungs out in pure thrill. Most parks in Canada have a fee to enter the grounds and an all access ride charge, so we were surprised when Prater Amusement Park was free to walk in. It turns out you pay for just the rides that you want, prices ranged from €1.50 to €6 depending on the ride, with most of them being around €4. This allowed us to survey each ride and really assess if we wanted to go on it, and it ended up we only went onto two of them: a lie down rollercoaster and a demented children’s ride. The lie down roller coaster was OK, but we kept turning our heads looking for the next turn and caused a bit of whiplash. Nothing compared to the Vancouver’s wooden rollercoaster.

We walked past all the standard rides like the Drop of Doom, Swings, Tilt a whirls, Gravatrons and such mostly because they were playing really crappy trance music at ear bleeding volumes. But there was one thing about this amusement park that really stood out as we were walking around. We couldn’t help but feel a bit creeped out. Amongst all the rides there were statues of a really odd nature, the sort that if you lay your eyes upon them as a kid they would burn into your memory forever. The sort of memory burn like that anyone over 25 should’ve gotten from that dark period of kids movies in the 80’s like The Dark Crystal, Return to Oz and Labyrinth. Things that are made for children but look more like a bad acid trip.

Tell us you don’t find these strange to be scattered throughout an amusement park with the majority of the rides being for kids:

Baby Scary!

“I don’t know what I like better on you baby… your 3 heads or your scaly breasts.”

Fred was really weighed down by his mortgage.

Um…. yeah…

Gasp! I have no idea what is going on here!

Fairy orgy complete with exposed penis and bits

Price of tea. Your first borns head.

For Alex.

Because of these statues we felt intrigued to check out the inside of one of the kids rides to see if it was also creepy. So we paid the €1.50 each and chose a random ride. Here is the video of it:

So if you decide to go to Prater Amusement Park, we recommend the following:

1. Only bring your kids if you want them to also experience the same feelings you had while you watched those dark movies
2. “Hippies” should avoid this park if they don’t want to have a dark trip. Unless of course your into it, then eat twice as much as you think you should!
3. If you have good taste in music bring ear plugs or don’t come at all
4. It really isn’t that great unless you must see one of Vienna’s sight seeing landmarks. The Wiener Riesenrad ferris wheel built way back in 1897!

After our breakfast of hell earlier in the morning, we were glad to be sitting on one of the Jump-on Jump-off city bus tours. We thought it would be a good way to see all of the main city highlights and as the ticket lasts 24 hours ,it’s not a bad deal for 20 euro and takes you all over the city. As we were going along the guide pointed out the Mak – Austrian Museum of Applied Arts / Contemporary Art, which sounded cool. We love contemporary art which to us is art from the 60’s until current, and much prefer it over older boring modern art. So we jumped off at the next stop and walked down to the museum with some high expectations.

Apparently in Vienna their concept of contemporary art is different. It was much older work, from plates, 18th century nobles, pages of ancient texts, many rugs – some with pieces cut out of them, chairs, armour, random furniture – as Dee calls it “flea market stuff”. Added to it the more modern work was either one exhibit that had half finished work or the following:

Manifesto 1992

Architecture and war are not incompatible. Architecture is war. War is architecture. I am at war with my time, with history, with all authority that resides in fixed and frightened forms. I am one of millions who do not fit in, who have no home, no family, no doctrine, no firm place to call my own, no known beginning or end, no “sacred and primordial site”. I declare war on all icons and finalities, on all histories that would chain me with my own falseness, my own pitiful fears. I know only moments, and lifetimes that are as moments, and forms that appear with infinite strength, then “melt into air”. I am an architect, a constructor or worlds, a sensualist who worships the flesh, the melody, a silhouette against the darkening sky. I cannot know your name, nor can you know mine. Tomorrow we begin together the construction of a city.

- Lebbeus Woods

While I was reading this, I couldn’t help but wonder who would win for an all in fight, Unicron or Lebbeus Woods. Let’s find out.

Round 1 – Best Video available

vs

.

Winner: Even though he starts off talking about New World Orders and Russian conspiracies, you just can’t compete against Transformers the Movie. Plus I had to search around for 15 minutes to find something that wasn’t going to put me to sleep by LW.

Score: Unicron 1 LW 0

Round 2 – Titles behind the name

Unicron – Destroyer of Worlds, The Shiva of the Universe.

Lebbeus Woods – Visionary, modernest

Winner: c’mon, with a title like “Destroyer of Worlds” this guy eats the future for breakfast.

Score: Unicron 2 LW 0

Round 3 – Film Credits

Unicron – Transformers the Movie, Transformers Beast Wars II and Beast Wars Neo, Transformers: Armada, Transformers Energon, Transformers: Cybertron.

Lebbeus Woods – Twelve Monkeys concept “Neomechanical Tower (Upper) Chamber”, Aliens 3 conceptual art

Winner: Lebbeus almost won this as Twelve Monkeys is an awesome movie, and Aliens 3 looks pretty bad ass. But unfortunately el dub only made one piece of twelve monkeys that the producers stole (and LW sued for a million). Aliens 3 is good but Unicron is a fucking planet and eats worlds, Aliens included.

Score: Unicron 3 LW 0

Round 4 – Summary Paragraph

Unicron – The size of a large planet, Unicron derives sustenance from digesting planets, moons, and even stars, thus making him larger and increasing both his power and his appetite.  When it serves his interest, he has been know to make pacts with lesser beings, offering them stronger bodies and greater powers in exchange for their total allegiance.  Woe be it to the would be betrayer, for Unicron possesses the ability to to both give and take way.  With the mere thought of treachery, the slave will find his body involuntarily twisting into painful contortions.  Among his numerous subjects are the Quintessons, who hunt down anyone who escapes his wrath.   The deadliest secret of all is that this rumbling juggernaut when threatened, can transform into the goliath of robots, capable of swatting armadas to dust and tearing whole planets apart with his bare hands.

Lebbeus Woods – American architect and artist. Woods, who envisions experimental constructs and environments, has stated, “the interplay of metrical systems establishing boundaries of materials and energetic forms is the foundation of a universal science (universcience) whose workers include all individuals”

Winner: I think we can all agree it’s Unicron with a K.O. to Lebbeus Woods. Unicron has bad ass Quintessons who will hunt people down and kill them. LW only has a couple hipster architects. What are they going to do, design another bad building?

Final Score: Unicron 4 LW 0

So in a wrap up, if your interested in old furniture and tapestries, go to the Mak. But if your looking for contemporary, this is not the place. And Unicron kicks everyone’s ass.

Vienna, city of coffee shops where spy’s once traded their secrets over an espresso and cigarette.

Vienna was known as the espionage capital during the cold war, with state secrets going in and out of the East and West in one of the many smokey cafés. We had gotten in the night before and were out for a day adventure on the town when we walked by the Cafe Westend. The menu posted outside looked good, with bacon and eggs, orange juice and coffee available. Dee and I walked in and were sat in the corner by a waiter who spoke great english. He asked if we wanted anything to drink, and I ordered us two coffee’s and an orange juice. Minutes later they were there and I ordered a bacon and egg dish while Dee ordered a European breakfast. About 5 minutes later the waiter came by and dropped off a bowl of pretzels and 6 croissants in front of us.

We had ridden into Prague with a lady from Vienna who had warned us about the cafe’s, that they bring you random food and if you eat it, you pay for it. I hadn’t paid it much thought since she said it but when he dropped off the bowl small alarms started going off. We were going to order a couple of croissants earlier but they were 3.25 each which is pretty steep and I was hungry enough to eat 3 of them. So before diving into this bowl of croissants I thought to clarify this and called the waiter over. It went:

me: Is this part of our meal?

Waiter: Yes, they’re for your breakfast. : and walks away

I sat there for a moment thinking and looked over at Dee. We agreed it was not a very clear answer and it would be best to confirm before racking up at 24 charge of croissants. I waited for him to come by which took another 5 minutes and the conversation went:

me: Are these included in our breakfast?

Waiter: They’re for your breakfast

me: So part of the breakfast, right?

Waiter: Yes

me: Free? Gratis?

Waiter  – No, not free. You eat what you want and we charge you what you take.

Not wanting to pay the big euros for overpriced pastries, I sent the trays back and minutes later our food came out. We ate our food and asked for the bill to come, and I should have known that something else would go wrong. On our bill was a charge for 2 “pots” of coffee for 6.25 each and seeing as a regular coffee is 2.50 it was a blatant rip off. To call our coffee “pots” of coffee would be like saying that Alex can grow facial hair. It’s just so far from the truth, it’s impossible to take. Our coffee “pot” was a tea pot that filled up 1 cup of coffee. As I tried explaining this to the waiter, he all of the sudden started saying he couldn’t speak English even though he had spoke fine with us and other tables. After some argument and talking to the manager, the price was set to the regular cup.

I have to say it’s a pretty weak scam that they’re trying on tourists. I’m positive no Austrian would get this pulled on them, and I’m sure they do this because they’re right across from the Westbanhoff train station. In some Vienna cafès you’ll only get grumpy attitudes and great coffee, this one also attempts to lighten your  wallet unfairly.

Has anyone else had a similar experience or was this just a random encounter?