After our breakfast of hell earlier in the morning, we were glad to be sitting on one of the Jump-on Jump-off city bus tours. We thought it would be a good way to see all of the main city highlights and as the ticket lasts 24 hours ,it’s not a bad deal for 20 euro and takes you all over the city. As we were going along the guide pointed out the Mak – Austrian Museum of Applied Arts / Contemporary Art, which sounded cool. We love contemporary art which to us is art from the 60’s until current, and much prefer it over older boring modern art. So we jumped off at the next stop and walked down to the museum with some high expectations.
Apparently in Vienna their concept of contemporary art is different. It was much older work, from plates, 18th century nobles, pages of ancient texts, many rugs – some with pieces cut out of them, chairs, armour, random furniture – as Dee calls it “flea market stuff”. Added to it the more modern work was either one exhibit that had half finished work or the following:
Architecture and war are not incompatible. Architecture is war. War is architecture. I am at war with my time, with history, with all authority that resides in fixed and frightened forms. I am one of millions who do not fit in, who have no home, no family, no doctrine, no firm place to call my own, no known beginning or end, no “sacred and primordial site”. I declare war on all icons and finalities, on all histories that would chain me with my own falseness, my own pitiful fears. I know only moments, and lifetimes that are as moments, and forms that appear with infinite strength, then “melt into air”. I am an architect, a constructor or worlds, a sensualist who worships the flesh, the melody, a silhouette against the darkening sky. I cannot know your name, nor can you know mine. Tomorrow we begin together the construction of a city.
– Lebbeus Woods
While I was reading this, I couldn’t help but wonder who would win for an all in fight, Unicron or Lebbeus Woods. Let’s find out.
Round 1 – Best Video available
Winner: Even though he starts off talking about New World Orders and Russian conspiracies, you just can’t compete against Transformers the Movie. Plus I had to search around for 15 minutes to find something that wasn’t going to put me to sleep by LW.
Score: Unicron 1 LW 0
Round 2 – Titles behind the name
Unicron – Destroyer of Worlds, The Shiva of the Universe.
Lebbeus Woods – Visionary, modernest
Winner: c’mon, with a title like “Destroyer of Worlds” this guy eats the future for breakfast.
Score: Unicron 2 LW 0
Round 3 – Film Credits
Unicron – Transformers the Movie, Transformers Beast Wars II and Beast Wars Neo, Transformers: Armada, Transformers Energon, Transformers: Cybertron.
Lebbeus Woods – Twelve Monkeys concept “Neomechanical Tower (Upper) Chamber”, Aliens 3 conceptual art
Winner: Lebbeus almost won this as Twelve Monkeys is an awesome movie, and Aliens 3 looks pretty bad ass. But unfortunately el dub only made one piece of twelve monkeys that the producers stole (and LW sued for a million). Aliens 3 is good but Unicron is a fucking planet and eats worlds, Aliens included.
Score: Unicron 3 LW 0
Round 4 – Summary Paragraph
Unicron – The size of a large planet, Unicron derives sustenance from digesting planets, moons, and even stars, thus making him larger and increasing both his power and his appetite. When it serves his interest, he has been know to make pacts with lesser beings, offering them stronger bodies and greater powers in exchange for their total allegiance. Woe be it to the would be betrayer, for Unicron possesses the ability to to both give and take way. With the mere thought of treachery, the slave will find his body involuntarily twisting into painful contortions. Among his numerous subjects are the Quintessons, who hunt down anyone who escapes his wrath. The deadliest secret of all is that this rumbling juggernaut when threatened, can transform into the goliath of robots, capable of swatting armadas to dust and tearing whole planets apart with his bare hands.
Lebbeus Woods – American architect and artist. Woods, who envisions experimental constructs and environments, has stated, “the interplay of metrical systems establishing boundaries of materials and energetic forms is the foundation of a universal science (universcience) whose workers include all individuals”
Winner: I think we can all agree it’s Unicron with a K.O. to Lebbeus Woods. Unicron has bad ass Quintessons who will hunt people down and kill them. LW only has a couple hipster architects. What are they going to do, design another bad building?
Final Score: Unicron 4 LW 0
So in a wrap up, if your interested in old furniture and tapestries, go to the Mak. But if your looking for contemporary, this is not the place. And Unicron kicks everyone’s ass.